Indifference?

I'm such a weird person.

When I find myself in sticky situations that involve other people, I want to feel mad. I want to hate on them. I want to lash out on them.

But...I can't.

Instead, I say all these things that will make whoever is listening to me hate on them and talk shit about them while I end up trying to the defend the person by trying to figure out the reason for their actions.

I'm finding this to be the case more and more often. As strange as it sounds, these kinds of conversations make me feel better because usually all I'm really feeling is hurt. And just hearing others lash out tell me that there are others who care and will stand up for me if I needed them to.

There are some people who get mad easily and forgive easily. I'm one of those people who don't get mad very easily, which is to say that if I do get mad, I won't forgive easily. But with this most recent situation, I find myself super pissed for two days (that I don't even want to sleep) but also find myself forgiving them for betraying my trust after the pissiness has gone away.

Have I gotten soft? Is this just because I have matured just a little more? Or do I simply just not care at all?

Maybe this whole thing just wasn't as important to me as I thought it was. Or is it because it's just SO important to me that I'm okay with easily forgiving.

I wish I knew.

I think back and wonder why I was so tolerant with certain things. Why I just let some comments hurt/offend me and not stand up for myself. What does this all mean to me?

Man, I wish I understood myself much better.