Saying Goodbye

Usually...I find myself sad to leave one place to go to another, even though I'm always super excited to go. But this time, I felt no sadness. I was ready. SO ready to leave. I guess I really have nothing left in Berkeley. The one thing that I really held on to has turned its back on me and left. It really is time to move on. And move on I will.

I am so happy to be in Taiwan right now. Even if I don't have too much time to hang out with friends, I am spending time with family. And that is what's important right now.

Another good thing is that I am finally eating again. I mean..who can say no to the deliciousness that is Taiwan food? So yea. Maybe I'll be able to gain back the 10 pounds I lost in the last couple of weeks.

This is going to be an awesome break. And when I go back to Cali after, I'm going to be ready to face the world again.

Toots! :D

I know that my life doesn't suck as much as other people. I know that I will most likely get through this. I know that this is all short-term.

But this keeps repeating itself. I've had enough. I'm tired. I cannot handle being on my own anymore. I just want to go home.

I am beyond stressed right now. I have reached the point of depression. Ever since my dad went back to China, I have not had a decent meal. I am not sleeping enough. And I am not eating. I have been trying to do things to keep my mind off things. The only time I am okay is at work. But today, I have reached my breaking point. Nothing can cheer my up right now. I received my Christmas present from a friend in the mail today and I didn't even want to open it.

I am not okay anymore. And I am going to fail the GRE on Monday.

I wish I was suicidal. Because I wish I could just end it all so that I don't have to continue going through this again.

Fails

I want to do something with my life. I want to do something that will make me feel good about myself. Because all I feel right now is disappointment.

I am such a failure.

An Unexpected Turn of Events

Well, I guess I kind of saw it coming...but didn't expect it to happen so soon.

Part of me just wants to burst out in tears. The other part of me doesn't really know what to do.

The sad thing is that after Thanksgiving, I was ready to move on. But then someone decided to get in the middle of our business and talk and now things are all messed up again.

I don't really know what to say right now. Once again, this is horrible timing. Now I don't really know what to look forward to.

I wish I had someone to talk to here. I wish I had a home or family nearby that I could just go to. Alas, I have neither.

Stuck.

I just want to go home.

But where is home?

Reality Check

Last week I got to take a break from everything. I got an opportunity to put all my worries aside and really live life. And it was truly wonderful.

I am thankful for...

...my dad for booking these plane tickets for me with his mileage

...chenchen for driving me everywhere and letting me crash his place

...v&chen for listening and giving me the reality check that i needed

...v&y for letting me hang with them everyday even though i'm sure they wanted to have some alone time together

...wq for listening and letting us crash her place

It's been so long since I could simply just sit down and talk to someone about what's on my mind and feel comfortable doing it. It has helped me sort some things out and truly realize just how miserable I was. I am now pretty set on leaving Berkeley when the school year ends. Which is a bit unfortunate since I would love to continue working with Oakland schools.

I am grateful for being able to have this break. Even though the weather in the East Coast is horrible compared to the West Coast, I didn't want to leave. If I could stay in the East Coast, I would even though I do not like the weather. Because the company is what really matters. Just thinking about leaving made me want to cry.

But I am back in Berkeley now. I have awaken from my dream and am back in the real world. Time to face those problems again and stay strong. I will prevail. Because I almost always do. Just like how I made it through the very long CSET exam thinking I had failed at least one section. Turns out I didn't. Passed all three subtests. It was a nice welcome back gift from California. So there is my proof that I can make it through another three weeks before I close my eyes to another dream...in the faraway land of Taiwan.

add oil~ =]